Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
