the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
