If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
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No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
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He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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