Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
