so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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