Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
