Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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