We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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