he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
