Your mouth is God's brothel.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
