I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
NoShamevember. You game?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
