I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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