He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
