whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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