I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
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Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
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he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.