That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
