Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
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So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
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I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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