Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
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She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
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My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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