well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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