so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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