he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
