The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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