So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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