if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
