and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
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Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
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They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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