I CAN MOONWALK!
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
