You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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