Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
