just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
