Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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