Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
