Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
