4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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