I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
