I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
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