i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
