We should be called the Road Head Warriors
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
