i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
