farters have to be the big spoon...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
