We won't sleep together?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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