I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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