I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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