Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
