I'm eating all of the evidence.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
