Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
