I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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