Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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