In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
