You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
