I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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