I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
