Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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