Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
