i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
