We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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