Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
