16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
