me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
