is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The best revenge is premature balding
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.