It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.