You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm too high and old for this...