Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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